People X

Name: Eloise Fleetwood-Twat
Occupation: Domestic appliances technician; Scientist; Nun; Author of adult novellas based on the life of Philip II of Macedon, King of Macedonia and conqueror of Illyria, Thrace, and Greece
Where: Lives in a semi in Slough
What: Rears dead squid; Collects postcards from Lichtenstein 1837-1837; Claims to have discovered the difference between one and several, where one is one and several is also one; Captains the Women's Shorthand and Deskfan Society, Slough division; Eats a lot of beans; Keeps a spoon permanently edged on the top of her dressing table, 'just in case'; Likes to imitate life by being incoherent and frequently dead
Says: “To hell with plantain you mutha!”