People #666

Friedrich ‘Z’ Schmaltze is the current inventor of the wheel.
He started and still runs a home somewhere not far from Dorset for castrated Belgian mime artists and their children. When he’s not busy knitting triangular woolly sleeves in gradients of beige, he likes to campaign for the extended rights of dead elks. His commitment to the latter is presumably partly attributable to his rather astonishing achievements as a participant in the annual 1983 Moose Cup, where to date he has finished 2nd, 37th, 11th, 16th and 321st, respectively. Sadly he was disqualified during last year’s competition for having an unruly moustache.
After several failed attempts at garrotting himself with a rope made from ovulating snails, he has now set his sights on growing a crooked beak.
His favourite food is tripe served on a bed of cured eel.
He also does stuff with chemistry, but as this in itself is rather boring, we won’t go there.