People 17

Name: Hanna Jean-Luc Picard Olesen
Occupation: Modest researcher, part time concept
History: Vague, at best. Something to do with robo-ethics and the notion that that quails emanate from outer space. Allegedly born with only one face (pictured).
Most notable achievements: First female scientist to disprove popular myth relating to bears and defecation in forested areas. Once made a drawing of the ugliest person ever to be born (pictured).
Current activities: Some, although this is may or or may not prove to be the case. Perhaps unsurprisingly no one seems too bothered (I care. I really do - Ed.)
Favourite animal: demented crane (pictured here, without pseudo-iconic wings).
Pet hates: Odd-shaped pebbles. The feeling you get from staring too long at essence of vanilla.
Loves: Using industrial adhesive for attaching face to reality (pictured here, without reality). Freddie Mercury. Miscellaneous items beginning with 'L' that have double meaning when poorly translated into Cyrillic.
Famous quote: "Open flap, close flap" (pictured here without flap).
Would like to meet: Baron Asquith of Bishopstone (1890-1954).
In brief: Despite being twice voted female scientist least likely to win a game of charades, she has nevertheless reached such dizzying heights of abstract deduction that currently people in her surroundings are wholly unaware of her existence. Runs conceptual bed and breakfast in CLydesdale with notorious underground rapper MC Bake, with whom she also shares a penchant for Mexican hairdryers.