Charles "Barbara" Templeton-Phipps is a man apart. For the past 15 years 9 months and 8 days he has been relentlessly stalked by an 18 foot imaginary blueberry muffin named Clyde.
In face of such unremitting torment a lesser man would have crumbled, broken by the sinister fruit-based shadow, looming, ever-present, there.
But no. Adversity, they say is the mother of invention, uncle of genius, and second cousin twice removed of Eddie "the Eagle" Edwards. People should stop listening to "them".
Brave and committed, Babs has recently dazzled the research world with his latest opus "Why penguins can't wear knuckledusters, and other social injustices". This work was greeted by utter silence from everyone, which was appropriate, for this, my friends, is the "Penguin way".
As if further vindication of his/her existence were needed, Babs has quite literally made a name for himself by ingesting an entire set of Scrabble tiles, and logging the order in which Nature returned them. As such, Babs has submitted a deed poll application to have his/her name changed to: QZZT "Sweetcorn, I don't remember eating sweetcorn...oh...maybe it's a peanut" FRRTGPJHH-Blank. He is expecting a response in due course.
In his/her spare time Babs enjoys torturing croissants and devotes 4 hours of every waking day to sobbing disconsolately into a bucket.
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