Clive Caramba is currently the head physicist at the Worplesdon-based polystyrene manufacturers' think-tank The Mug. Before his career in policy, Caramba specialised in surreal computing at the University of Duck, an untenable tenure resulting in his now semi-legendary work on the abstract relationship between odours and sparse bindery, now commonly referred to as the 'mime theorem of unknown and established integers of cloth”.
During his time at Duck U, Caramba gained notoriety on the social circuit through as series of daring and unconventional DJ-sets involving himself, two Soca Anthems albums and copious amounts of maple syrup substitute. Speaking of those heady days, Caramba recalls how he 'used to just go mental, you know, really push the boat – sometimes i would stay awake until two or three in the morning, just pulling out all the stops'.
It was during one of these infamous nights that Caramba met Bente Pedersen and they were to forge a relationship that lasted several days. 'She wasn't ready for the world I inhabited', he says, slowly sipping a cup of hot fat, ' but there was a magic connection between us that I can only explain in terms of gerontology'. Bente since went on to achieve other things in her life, none of which are particularly noteworthy.
'Are we still in contact? Yes, I actually spoke to her last year at a conference in Basingstoke. She didn't recall who I was at first but when I did my syrup-substitute routine she said she remembered who I was. Then she left' Caramba muses before ordering another lardy broth.
Clive is currently wanted by South Wales Constabulary in connection with a series of brutal verbal attacks on the region's pipe-manufacturers.
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