People 5

Nigel Spazma-l'Oeuf has become one of the most respected scientists in his field during the last few decades. He has so far released nearly two studies on his speciality subject of thermal parapsychology, making him one of the most prolific researchers of his generation. After suffering his ninth successive nervous breakdown in the summer of '69 following the death of his diabetic parakeet and lifelong companion Max, Spazma-l'Oeuf went on a spiritual journey to Bracknell where he eventually settled. It was in those early days in Bracknell that Nigel met the now notorious Dr. Smaek, author of the “Man-Goat Experience” and sometimes colourful curator of the Leicester Sewage Museum. Despite becoming friends, the two spent most of week 30 penning what was to become “When numbers don't add up” and “Mechanised Trilby Hats: The Untold Story”. Both texts are now considered classics and have led to some not inconsiderable debate on both sides of the river Wey.

After falling out over an unpaid fishing licence late last year, the two are now working separately in a race to become the first westerner to successfully isolate sand from beach matter.

In his spare time Nigel likes to count from 23 to 56 using only the power of his brain which he says “is simply amazing”.

In brief:

Favourite food: spam.
Favourite music: no.
Favourite pastime: Eating spam whilst not listening to music.
Favourite celebrity: Prince Andrew.